How Attachment Styles Impact Your Mental Health

Do you ever feel like something just isn’t clicking in your relationships? Like no matter how hard you try, you keep ending up feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or even abandoned?

Maybe you’ve thought:

“Why do I always feel anxious in relationships?”
“Why do I pull away when people get close?”
“Why does conflict feel so overwhelming?”

These are real, painful patterns, and they don’t just come out of nowhere.

Hi, I’m Nate Dunn, a therapist at Cedar Tree Counseling. I work with teens, adults, and couples who are trying to make sense of what’s happening inside, and why their relationships often feel harder than they should.

One of the most powerful tools I use to help clients understand themselves and their relationships is Attachment Theory.

Attachment Theory helps explain how the early bonds we form with caregivers shape the way we relate to others throughout life.

When those bonds are strong and consistent, we learn to trust and connect. But when those early connections are inconsistent, distant, or painful, we may struggle to feel safe with others, even as adults.

Let’s break a few common attachment styles, and how therapy can help:

1. Anxious Attachment

With Anxious Attachment, you often fear abandonment and crave closeness but worry people will leave you. You may constantly seek reassurance in relationships or feel emotionally overwhelmed when there’s distance.

How therapy can help:

In counseling, we’ll explore where these fears come from and work on building your sense of inner security. You’ll learn how to self-soothe, express your needs clearly, and create relationships that feel more stable and less emotionally exhausting.

2. Avoidant Attachment

With Avoidant Attachment, you value independence and tend to shut down or withdraw emotionally when things get too close or vulnerable. You might also feel safer keeping people at arm’s length, even when you long for connection.

How therapy can help:

Together, we’ll create a space where vulnerability feels safe. Therapy will help you identify what makes closeness feel threatening and practice staying emotionally present, so you can build deeper connections without feeling overwhelmed or exposed.

3. Disorganized Attachment

You may feel torn between wanting closeness and fearing it when it comes to Disorganized Attachment. This often stems from trauma or unpredictable caregiving, and it can lead to confusing, unstable relationship patterns.

How therapy can help:

Healing disorganized attachment begins by creating a safe and consistent therapeutic relationship. In therapy, we’ll gently unpack the trauma behind the push-pull dynamic and help you develop emotional regulation tools, trust, and more predictable ways of relating to others.

4. Secure Attachment (this would be our goal in therapy)

Once you’ve learned Secure Attachment, you’re able to trust, connect, and express your needs without fear. You feel grounded in yourself, and your relationships are balanced and emotionally safe.

How therapy can help:

Even if you don’t start here, therapy is where we work toward Secure Attachment. We’ll strengthen your confidence, emotional insight, and communication skills so you can navigate relationships with trust, openness, and resilience.

Understanding your attachment style is not about putting you in a box, it’s about giving you a map. It helps you name what you’ve been carrying and offers a path forward.

In our work together, we’ll use Attachment Theory, Narrative Therapy, and practical tools rooted in compassion to help you rewrite your story. Whether you’re navigating trauma, anxiety, ADHD, or struggling in your marriage or close relationships, you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Schedule your appointment at Cedar Tree Counseling today. Healing begins with one brave step, and we’re here when you’re ready.