When is it time for marriage counseling?
As a therapist, you might expect me to say “anytime.” And you’d be right!
I mean, when’s a bad time to improve communication, resolve ongoing conflicts and deepen intimacy?
There’s always room for growth, of course, but what constitutes the “need” for counseling? Here are a few questions to consider.
1. Is there a recurring conflict that makes you feel rejected by your partner?
2. Do you feel you’re each entrenched in your positions, unwilling to budge?
3. Are conversations about the problem(s) devoid of humor, amusement, or affection?
4. Have you started to disengage from each other emotionally?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it may be time to get some guidance. Let’s be honest, couples fight, and it’s unrealistic to expect not to fight. So the question is, do you fight well with your partner?
Author and psychologist, Dan Allender writes, “A marriage is only as good as a couple’s ability to fight.”
Another author and couples’ researcher, John Gottman states that there are two kinds of conflict; perpetual conflict and solvable conflict.
So, do you fight well? What does fighting well even look like? Can fights be productive? Can you maintain connection and a sense of humor in a disagreement? Can perpetual problems not overshadow your whole marriage?
I have good news! Therapy can help.
Whether you need help with communication patterns or underlying value differences that result in painful gridlock, there is a way through. There are ways to feel connected to your partner even during a fight.
There are things to learn about your partner and yourself that can create more connection and appreciation for each other.
Couples tend to wait until things are really bad before coming to counseling. Don’t wait. Don’t waste time living in tension and confusion when there is real help available.
Give me a call. Together, we can find a way through.
Womens & Couples Therapist | MS, LCPC
I walk with women and couples who want connection, healing, joy, and meaning. I help them work through the fog of relational issues, abuse, trauma, life transitions, depression, and anxiety. Don’t live another day in the fog. Let’s work together.
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