Intimacy plays a large role in marital satisfaction, but the problem is couples will shipwreck their marriages by falling into patterns where they slowly neglect these 4 essential aspects of a healthy marriage.

In this video I’m going to share with you 4 Sure Ways to Shipwreck Intimacy In Your Marriage.

Intimacy isn’t created or maintained through just one area of connection. A deeply bonded couple is one that intentionally connects primarily on these 4 levels:

  • Intellectually
  • Physically
  • Shared Experiences
  • Emotional Vulnerability


1. Not Connecting Intellectually


The first way to shipwreck intimacy in your marriage is not connecting intellectually. This typically looks like scoffing at what your partner says, maybe sometimes trying to argue them out of their position instead of respecting their unique perspective on things.

You may have patterns of dismissing, criticizing, and interrupting your partner while they are sharing their ideas and beliefs.

This is a common issue with parents and teenagers. Resist the urge to minimize their voice and your partner’s voice through these unhelpful responses.


2. Not Connecting Physically


The second way to shipwreck intimacy in your marriage is not connecting physically. You may have stopped touching and enjoying one another’s physical bodies. You stop holding hands or kissing. And you definitely don’t try new things because you are “not twenty five anymore.”

It’s not helpful to pressure your spouse into doing what you want or highlight the fact that they don’t look or perform the way you expect.

This can naturally happen with age as biological changes occur but don’t stop physical contact. My advice is to stay physically close for as long as you are able no matter what this looks like.


3. Stop Having Shared Experiences


The third way to shipwreck intimacy in your marriage is to stop having shared experiences. Many couples settle into a predictable routine and definitely don’t try new things. They don’t try new restaurants, dance classes, places to drive or explore, or make new friends.

They just do what they always do and are grumpy when their spouse offers something different and new to do together. Trying new things can be as simple as a new recipe, a new fitness plan, a house project, or serving others in a new way.

Make sure you are keeping your free time in check and integrating new experiences for the two of you to do together.


4. Being Emotionally Unavailable


The fourth way to shipwreck intimacy in your marriage is to be emotionally unavailable. Couples who are emotionally unavailable show little to no interest in their partner’s internal world.

Couples often try to fix the feelings of their spouse especially the ones that unexpectedly strike a cord inside of them too.

Emotional bonding happens when our vulnerable places, the ones no one else sees, are known and safe to share with another. Sometimes we call this “feeling felt”. It is the experience of sharing a fear or hope with another human being, and relaxing into the safety that we are not alone.


Of course, none of us set out to shipwreck our marriages, but if we aren’t careful we can easily slip into unhelpful patterns that lead to disconnection and a loss of intimacy. Therapy can help you re-route and get back on track toward the goal of being deeply connected with one another.

So if you would like to start the healing journey and experience restoration both within yourself and with one another, reach out and schedule an appointment today.

Kristen Conley

Kristen Conley

Couples & Women's Counselor

We all want connection with the people in our lives. Whether you are an adolescent, mother, or couple you know that this isn’t always easy. I understand how difficult it can be to connect with our loved ones, which is why I believe counseling can restore trust, so healing can begin. 

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That’s why we help families create an environment where deeper connection & healing can happen.


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