It’s not always easy to recognize our own shame.

Shame, by its very nature urges us to hide from others, and even from ourselves. Perhaps you experience this hiding in your own life.

Many people fear the thought of being exposed, or seen for who they really are, and that fear can be completely overwhelming.

Brené Brown, the author of Daring Greatly, says that “shame derives its power from being unspeakable.”

If that is true, then that means that shame loses power when it is shared; when what has loomed in the darkness is dragged into the light.

Shame is often dealt with through ineffective attempts at self-numbing or self-medicating.

2. Do I experience a general sense of not measuring up?

Feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem often accompany shame.

3. Do I struggle to connect deeply with others?

Shame can make it difficult to feel emotionally safe in relationships.

I have sat with men who have believed that if they were to speak their shame, they might be overwhelmed to the point of death. I’ve heard the experience of speaking shame likened to the fear of drowning, and it is that very fear that has kept so many in hiding.

If this describes you, you need to know that you will not drown in shame. You can grow to see that you are more than your shame. The truth is that you can be free from toxic shame. You can come out of hiding and you will find your life, you won’t lose it.