Do you remember how you felt when you had that conversation or got that call or text message from your adult child asking if they could come back and live at home? Or maybe they never left!
Did your heart sink? Did you feel angry or betrayed? Maybe you felt like you had somehow failed in raising them.
You are not alone in feeling this way! We’ve all felt the range of emotions when our adult children either come home or never leave in the first place.
Things are very different in the world now than when you and I grew up. The future is much more difficult to anticipate and in many ways the world feels much less safe. Our young adults are keenly aware of this instability in the world, and many of them feel anxious and even pessimistic about it.
I’m going to give you THREE suggestions for keeping yourself sane and not go crazy once your young adult moves back home.
REMEMBER YOUR ROLE!
While you will always be your young adult’s mother or father, that is no longer the way you relate to them. They don’t need you to tell them to clean their room, to come home for dinner, to tell you where they’re going. In fact, most of the time they’ll resent you for all that.
Instead, your role is more of a guide, an example, or a cheerleader. Something like this, “I appreciate the way you’ve been pitching in here. Thanks for loading the dishwasher last night.”
COMMUNICATE CONSISTENTLY AND KINDLY.
That doesn’t mean you have to talk to your young adult all the time. But it does mean that you need to listen to them and respond respectfully, no matter how frustrated you feel. Here’s an example, “Yeah, it sure is annoying not having money for those things. Life is like that sometimes. It’s hard.”
BOIL DOWN BOUNDARIES.
Let’s face it – growing up demands a lot of giving up. So make your boundaries for your young adult clear and simple. Boil them down to just one or two. And then, communicate those clear boundaries consistently and kindly.
You can say, “I like that you can be here at home, and you’ve been good about getting the rent money to me. I still have to pay the mortgage, so your part helps a lot.”
If you find yourself confused, anxious, constantly on edge or just plain angry about having your young adult at home with you, call me. I can help you find a clear path forward.
Womens & Missionary Therapist | MA, LCPC
I help women who feel angry, anxious, confused, disillusioned and depressed. Together we can find strength, clarity, hope, and courage to make life purposeful and gratifying.
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Cedar Tree's Mission:
There are a lot of broken families who struggle to do life well together.
That’s why we help families create an environment where deeper connection & healing can happen.