Have you ever missed an exit on the highway? Sometimes we get so focused on the path we’re on, we completely forget about where we were going.
This can happen a lot when we get into conflict with other people. We have a point when we start the conflict. But somewhere along the line, we’re headed down a road of emotion, and we forget where we were going.
Sometimes it can feel like two hamsters running on wheels, where you’re both just trying to run faster than the other person. Or, it feels like you’re caught up in an emotional whirlwind.
When any of that happens, we need to figure out how we can get off the road, stop spinning the wheel, or get out of the whirlwind.
In this video, I’m going to share 3 ways to interrupt conflict and reconnect.
Stop Talking & Count to Five
The first thing, and the hardest thing, is to just stop talking and count to five. It sounds a little silly, but it actually helps.
Taking those 5 seconds is like putting our feet on the brake and slowing down so that we can exit the highway. Counting out loud makes us feel a little silly, and can decrease a lot of the frustration, sadness, or fear that we have bubbling up inside us.
State How You Feel
Second, during those five seconds, figure out how you feel.
Do you feel: angry, stuck, afraid, invaluable, insecure, embarrassed, ignored, sad, lonely?
State that out loud. When we’re in the midst of conflict, we think it might be obvious how we feel, but a lot of the time people don’t actually know. When we state it simply and out loud, we cut through the noise of the conflict, and get to the heart of what we feel.
Say a Simple Phrase
And lastly, Say this simple phrase, “I’m not getting what I want right now.” After all, isn’t this the reason we’re getting into conflict?
Even if what we want is a good thing, we’re going to have conflict when our view on what should happen is different from another person’s view. This phrase can cut through the argument and can be used to begin a conversation about what you do want.
Plus, a lot like counting to five, it’s something that seems a little silly, and can sometimes provide levity that’s needed in a high emotion conversation.
Cutting through to the core of you and your partner’s conflict can help you stop speeding down the emotional highway, and start traveling towards connection and resolution.
And if you need additional support, don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule an appointment today. We’re here to help.
Children, Teens, & Couples
I work with couples, teens, and families to work through the fears and insecurities that get in the way of having meaningful relationships.
Choose A Topic!
Cedar Tree's Mission:
There are a lot of broken families who struggle to do life well together.
That’s why we help families create an environment where deeper connection & healing can happen.